I have decided that Week 6 is the week of the school term where binge eating, and coffee by the litre, are essential to the survival of both me and my students. Find out why I sat in my dark classroom and cried this week, why I ate a banana peel and what advice a 12 year old gave me today that completely changed my attitude for the better.
It’s the sixth week of the school term, and I am tired. Actually, tired doesn’t even begin to explain how I truly feel. I am exhausted. Nope, that still doesn’t doesn't quite cut it. I’m not entirely sure there is a word to describe that feeling of a teacher in Week 6. Maybe I’ll take a leaf out of some of my student’s books and try and use google to find some fancy synonyms to throw in to add effect and make me sound “smarter”. It’s bound to work right?! Google thesaurus never lies; or so the students think anyway! Let me try that sentence again with the synonyms I found to enhance my writing and make me sound smarter to get me an A!
-It’s the sixth week of the term, and I am pooped.
-It’s the sixth week of term, and I am jet-lagged.
-It’s the sixth week of term, and I am hackneyed.
-It’s the sixth week of term, and I am flat.
-It’s the sixth week of term, and I burnt out.
-it’s the sixth week of term, and I am dog-tired.
-it’s the sixth week of term, and I am bushed.
-It’s the sixth week of the term, and I am dead.
The last one is my personal favourite, and upon reflection, the closest to how I feel.
So where was I?! Oh yes, jet-lagged I believe! Whichever synonym of tired you want to go with, that’s what I am. I’m mentally drained. I’m so mentally drained that I can’t think straight, and I keep getting frustrated at myself for not remembering how to do basic tasks, which funnily enough, I’ve successfully done for many, many years. One such example is logging into my work laptop. I’d say I’ve done this at least 12 000 times over the past 7 years. I have to log in every time I use the damn thing. I had typed my password in at least 5 times already that very same day. So how do I explain to 28 excited kids that that we can’t actually play a class game of Kahoot that I promised, because I’m so mentally drained that my brain is not functioning to capacity. Do I tell them why my brain is fried? Do I tell them I just never get a break and my workload seems to be doubling with every breath that I inhale, and then tripling with every breath that I exhale? 55 minutes it took me to remember that password; the same password I have used for 7 years. That’s about 54 minutes longer than it should have taken. My head was pounding at this point and the bell was about to go. I had 28 disappointed little faces staring at me. They had worked so hard to play a game and I broke their little hearts…why? Because I’m too tired to function as a normal human being. I’m instead functioning as a teacher, in Week 6. Just to justify how I feel, on the way out one sweet little boy said, “You look really tired today Miss. I really hope you get a full 8 hours sleep tonight!”……So sweet, and he definitely hit the nail on the head. I hope I do too mate!
An accurate representation of teaching, especially during this time in the term:
So forgetting my password was not a big deal, right? It’s one minor error that was not a matter of life and death. I wish I could say that that was my only brain fried moment this week (bare in mine it’s only Wednesday too….), but this was not the only time I haven’t been able to remember how to carry out basic tasks this week. Life has been overwhelming of late. I sat down to morning tea, which is rare in itself when you’re a teacher. Usually we’re on playground duty, going to the bathroom, doing some photocopying, catching up with a student, running tutoring etc….but this day I got to sit down and consume my delicious fresh fruit. A banana. Yum! But I kid you not, on Monday, I bit right into the banana, peel and all. It’s almost like I forgot what a banana even was, let alone how to consume it….Just for future reference, I don’t recommend eating the banana peel. The sad part is I chewed a good 15 times before I realised I wasn’t enjoying my banana, and made the discovery that I forgot to peel this one, probably my 1789th banana that I've ever consumed. I then googled, “Can one eat banana peels?” to which I learnt that “banana peels are not poisonous. They are edible and they contain many nutrients. Banana peels are eaten in many parts of the world, although they are not common in the west.” Then I read an article about “The benefits of eating banana peels” and a quick video on “How to eat banana peels”…..then the bell rang and back to reality I went. That was a nice 8 minutes full of nutrients and self-education. At least I could laugh off that unintentional banana peel consumption, and it had added health benefits so it’s kind of a win-win situation.
Did my day improve? No. I typed up some awesome Harry Potter questions for my class for the last lesson of the day. I even smiled as I admired my work – it was fun, I wrote it swiftly and the kids were going to love it. What a fun way to end the day! I’ll just quickly run to the toilet before the bell goes, I thought to myself and then deliver a magical lesson full of fun and learning. That was until, I went to save my document, but for some unknown reason I clicked “don’t save” and that was it. My document was gone, because my hand moved the mouse and clicked on the "I am an idiot and I don't wish to save my work" button. This mistake did not end well, like the banana incident from the previous break had. I was about to scream, and/or throw my laptop. Instead though, I turned the lights off, sat at my teacher desk and cried, and cried, and cried a little more. I still needed to go to the toilet, but the bell rang so I had exactly 47 seconds to make it look like I had my shit together, and hold my bladder for 1.5 hours more.
This is sadly the reality of teaching at times. That never-ending to-do list I’ve mentioned before, is getting out of control. There simply are not enough hours in the day. “Use those self-care coping mechanisms” I try and tell myself, but all my brain can think of is “What bloody self-care coping mechanisms. You’re too tired to utilise them. Just continue existing and barely functioning. You’ll get a break in 4.5 weeks…..”
I feel like I am neglecting myself, yet again. I started the year with good intentions, and then, well…..being a teacher happened! Again! The only type of self-care I’ve indulged in lately is eating a whole tub of ice-cream with a side of chocolate bars. For dinner.
Two examples of my diet choices this week:
Dinner.
Lunch.
Why did I write this? To vent. To justify to myself why I’m feeling this way. To keep my brain active instead of falling asleep at 6pm in front of the TV.
What am I going to do about it? Well, the best advice that I have, was given to me today, by a 12 year old. He said, as I was busily doing 18 things at once,
“Miss, you need to just calm down a little please. Take a breath, your cheeks are red, you’re rushing around. You’re trying to do too much at once. Here, how about I hand out those sheets, Alice can collect the folders and Sophie can collect the rulers, and you can just sit there until we’re ready for the I DO, WE DO, YOU DO part of the lesson. Just relax a little. How does that sound?”……
“It sounds bloody fantastic you little sweetheart”.
And I did just what Connor told me to do, and I sat there, and I took a breath, and I appreciated how sweet the kids sitting in front of me are, and remembered how much I love my job. Thank you Connor, I needed that 2.5 minutes.
Just to top it off, sweet little Connor gave me a note on the way out that said,
“Miss, don’t forget we think you’re awesome and we know you’re doing the best you can. Remember to relax. Love Year 7 Maths”.
That was just what I needed. Tomorrow I’m going to remember that sweet little life lesson, taught to me by a 12 year old. He is right, I am doing the best I can.
Comentarios