For those amongst you who have ever doubted if I have feelings, this week I discovered that I do in fact have some. I am 100% aware that my resting bitch face (or maybe just bitch face?!) is an iconic part of who I am. One never really knows just how I am feeling. Am I mad? Am I sad? Am I disappointed? Am I pleased? Am I displeased? Am I excited? It’s always a guessing game. Well, nearly always. This week I had wet stuff coming out of my eyes more frequently than I care to admit. Such a rare experience for me, especially at work. Outrageous, isn’t it?! So what exactly caused the frequent opening of the flood gates this week? Well, my students of course…..
This week it really hit me that I was leaving the school I have been at for the past 8 years. The school where I feel like I’m part of the family. The school that has been there for me during so many of life’s ups and downs. The school where I love to go to every morning and I feel so comfortable. The school that not only accepts, but embraces my resting bitch face and social awkwardness. The school where this week, I have had no doubt that I’ve made a difference in the lives of so many young people. Sometimes the children we teach show us their appreciation in the most abstract ways; sometimes they come up to you, bawling their little eyes out begging you not to leave. My heart <3
The first day of sadness was my last lesson with my Year 12 students. I have taught these girls for their entire high school years. I have watched them grow academically, but more importantly I have watched them grow into beautiful young women. I tried to make their last lesson special. I wrote them cards, got them presents, decorated a cake and made a chocolate card. What I wasn’t expecting was the girls had written me a card, gotten me presents and had such gorgeous words to say to me. This was the moment I cried for the first time this week. This wasn’t just the odd tear rolling down my cheek. I was so overcome with emotion that I resembled the sadness of a child who just dropped an entire milkshake before he could even have one sip.
The second day of sadness followed, the very next day. I went to my homeroom class at 8:30am, like I do every single day. I sat down, awaiting the arrival of my darling students….only NONE of them were there. I was a little confused until all 24 of them came upstairs together, each bearing a gift or food. I thought this was for our senior students, as a farewell, but it turns out that this was for me. There were bunches of flowers, boxes of chocolates, mugs, cards, books, signed photographs, drawings and food and drinks for a party. Some students had paper plates, others had cups. They had planned this without my knowledge, and all contributed in some way. What little sweethearts. There were so many tears, mostly from me. Once again, these were not tame single tear drops rolling gracefully down my cheeks. These were massive sobs of genuine sadness. My heart could have exploded right there and then.
My final moment of sadness this week, came when one of my Year 7 classes made me a card. This was very out of the blue as I still have 5 weeks with these younger students. The card was broken into columns that read “Reasons we love you” (MY HEART!), “Reasons we don’t want you to leave”….and the whole class signed it and presented it to me during our lesson. These kids have bigger hearts than we give them credit for. I once again, for the third time in a week (and probably also the third time in 5 years!) was sobbing. At work. In front of my kids. Don’t worry though, as I certainly wasn’t crying alone, and there certainly was not a shortage of hugs.
Although the week sounds a little on the downside, it was actually a truly beautiful week, where I have felt very loved and appreciated. I had a few moments of wondering if I’m doing the right thing by leaving… but I’ve talked myself into thinking that, yes, I have. I get new students to build relationships with and I have no doubt that they will be just as delightful. All that is really changing is the environment around me. I’m still going to be in a classroom surrounded by students all day, just as I love. #myhappyplace
The week wasn’t just full of tears and heart break. I went up a level on the “cool teacher” scale and gained some street cred, by making Tik Tok videos with the kids. Actually so bloody fun, and the look on their faces when you master the dance they have taught you….priceless <3 So much laughing this week, which was a pleasant change from the crying! It’s really important to have these moments with the children. It shouldn’t always be about just teaching the curriculum; it’s really important to make connections and make sure students have fun and WANT to come to your class. If I had any doubts that my students don’t appreciate me a few weeks ago, this week has confirmed that, YES, they really do. You just have to believe in them, and make sure they have zero doubts that you do.
I absolutely love my job, and moments like I’ve just described really make everything worth it. My job is not only done when my students can pass their test. My job is done when I make them feel like they matter. My job is done when I put a smile on their face and allow them to have fun. Afterall, they are just kids. Kids, I have confirmed this week, with big hearts. Xo
