#16 Carnivorous Pot Plants

Indoor pot plants seem to be all the rage. I have an artificial pot plant in a pink llama pot on my desk at work. Sometimes I look at it, and it looks like it’s wilting, even though I know that it is impossible. I wonder what I’ve done so wrong that my artificial greenery is dying right before my very eyes. Although, on the days I think my fake plant is wilting, coincidently, I also feel like I’m wilting. Note to self: relax, drink water, get sunlight; you’re just like a pot plant with more complicated emotions. If that’s not the truest thing I’m regurgitating today, then I don’t know what is. Except for maybe the latest statistic that claims that teachers are three times more likely to reach for the bottle than people in other professions. If you think this has been exaggerated by the media, then please read on.

I love writing things down. Sometimes I think a sophisticated pot plant would be better at verbally articulating things than me. Just to give myself a small amount of credit, I’m not just talking about one of those $5 artificial succulents from K-Mart, but more like an Enchantress Carnivorous pot plant, which is also known as a Piranha Plant. If you can’t picture this wonderful addition to nature, think of the feisty potted flower, with big teeth on the beloved Mario Brothers games who just wants to ruin your fun and snap at all of your favourite characters, which, in my opinion is rather inconvenient when you are on a quest to defeat Bowser and save Princess Peach from a castle....sound familiar? Anyway, I wouldn't mind one on my desk; fake of course. I'm sure it'll still magically eat my lunch and paperclips.

I know it has been awhile since I’ve shared a blog post, and no, you haven’t accidentally stumbled upon a Better Homes and Gardens enthusiast’s page, or someone who has an unhealthy obsession with indoor house plants, to the point where you can’t tell if you’re inside or outside when you’re in their house. Rather you have stumbled across, or re-stumbled across, a busy and tired middle school teacher who ran out of time and energy to post much in Term 2. Although I haven’t written a post to share for a while, I do have some random notes in my phone from Term 2 that I have only just rediscovered…….sometimes I write things down there so I remember them when I tell my colleagues funny stories, and sometimes I write them down in case I can be inspired to write a future blog post.

Please enjoy the first two of these notes.

Note #1

Date:May 22nd

The exact transcription of the note on my iPhone:Had a girl come up at the end of the lesson, with a piece of lined paper from her book, folded as many times as she possibly could fold it, before she couldn’t fold it anymore. She placed it in my hand and said “First of all I was listening to your lesson Miss, but this 100% reminds me of you and you needed to see it. I’ll explain tomorrow if you need me to”. She had darted out of the classroom before I had even finished unfolding the note; it was as though folding it that many times was her clever plan so she didn’t have to see my reaction. Probably was for the best. I do not have a poker face. My face says exactly what I’m feeling. What was on the sheet? Well, I was staring at a hand drawn carnivorous piranah pot plant, with sharp teeth and spots in an unevenly shaped pot. It wasn’t dissimilar to the piranha plant on Super Mario Brothers, although slightly more evil and a little disturbing.

It was safe to say that I spent the rest of that day wondering what qualities I possess that liken me to a carnivorous plant. Did I frighten the students? Did they think that if they made one wrong move, I’d snap at them like they’ve been snapped at while they’ve tried to jump Luigi over this plant in their game? As disturbed as I was, I couldn’t wait until my next instalment the next day. I was intrigued and also a little afraid. Teaching middle school is fabulous.

Note #2

Date: May 24th

The exact transcription of the note from my iPhone:I had to wait an extra day, I didn’t have maths yesterday after all. I was scared she’d forget that she owed me an explanation as to why she thought she was getting taught by a creepy carnivorous plant with sharp teeth and a bad attitude. 1:15pm came, the bell rang and she was packing up her pencil case ever so slowly. We made eye contact just before she walked towards the door, and almost like she was teasing me, she did a 180 degree turn and skipped towards my desk. She said “I bet you’re dying to know why I drew that for you! I just think sometimes when one of us says something that is not quite right, you stand there with your mouth open THIS WIDE (demonstrates a wide mouth like she was at the dentist saying Ahhhh). You’re always very polite and say “that was close” or “good try”, but your mouth is super wide like you’re a little disappointed that you taught us something and we didn’t quite get it yet. Do you know what I mean? So anyway, I was watching TV with Mum and I saw one of the plants, like the real life version, and I said to her “Hey Mum, that looks like Mrs Devine”….My Mum did say that it is a lovely looking plant, in case you’re wondering”. I’ve kind of fallen in love with them, so I hope you like my drawing. I tried super hard and wanted you to smile.

And then she walked off. That was 10 weeks ago and we’ve never spoken of the carnivorous plant saga again; and I’ve been very conscious about how wide I open my mouth in class. I’ve been so conscious that I am half expecting that next time she’ll draw me as Hello Kitty, who doesn’t have a mouth!

Anyway, I’m sure you’re dying to see the masterpiece. It makes me laugh every time I see it, as I recall the weird events that unfolded during Week 3, Term 2 maths...

Also, here is a photo of a variation of the real thing. I am still not sure whether to be offended or not that this plant reminds someone of me.

Some other noteworthy, shorter notes saved on my phone read:

May 29th:I got asked by a student if I could make a particular student sit his exam outside because he kept farting and she couldn’t concentrate.

June 3rd:After letting a student out of class to use the bathroom, he came back with his arms full of other people’s belongings. I kid you not, he had at least 4 pairs of shoes, a backpack and a few other random pieces of clothing balanced between his small arms. After an awkward conversation we decided that yes I did understand he was trying to be nice and return lost property, but turns out it was not lost but rather it belonged to the students doing PE at the time. Students who had to get dressed back into the clothes and shoes this boy so thoughtfully collected. He went back to put everything in the exact place he found them, just in time.

June 5th:During history class a student put his hand up and asked what was older, me or the Terracotta Army. I asked him which one looked older and he said he couldn’t tell, that’s why he asked…….(duh!!) excuse me while I go and purchase some anti-ageing products, or get some plastic surgery even if I look older than a 2000 year old statue.

June 6th:A boy in my maths class asked me if I wanted to know a fun fact; and of course I did because it’s important to get to know your students, right? He told me that he is PETRIFIED of the number 3, only as a numeral, not in words. Now I’ve been teaching this boy for a good 15 weeks and it never occurred to me that he HASN’T EVER WRITTEN 3 AS A NUMERAL. He either leaves it out, or writes the word “three”. I looked through his whole book, and he’s not kidding. How could I not pick that up? Apparently this phobia doesn’t include looking at the number 3, thankfully, because I’m not prepared to leave out one entire numeral for the rest of the year.

There are no more notes because at this point we are towards the end of Week 7, and unbeknown to me at the time, I would need to take the last 3 weeks of the term off work unexpectedly. These three weeks have been followed by school holidays, so I haven’t been to work for over 5 weeks. I’m feel anxious and unprepared about returning to work, like I usually do at the start of a school year; anxious that I’ll forget how to do the job I’m trained to do, that I’ve in fact been doing for 8 years, that I in fact have never truly forgotten how to do. BUT alas, this might be the time I forget?! Stay tuned. I did see a job at coffee shop advertised today, so that could be Plan B. I've always dreamt of owning a book shop with a coffee shop in it. #lifegoals

What I did discover when I had to miss 3 weeks of work without warning, is that some kids actually do miss you. Even the ones who you think would not. I got so many lovely emails from the kids telling me they missed me and asking me when I’d be back. This was lovely, and I have missed my job too! A particularly funny email I received was from a student who is quite lovely, but also quite needy on the attention side of things. He said “if you’re away because I’m too annoying, I promise I’ll be quiet in class. Just come back and teach us soon please”. This made my heart melt and reminded me that teachers have an immense impact on even some of the most challenging of students. When I assured him I was in hospital and that was not the reason, he said “that is the best thing I’ve heard all day. I’ll still be quiet in class when you get back!”. Haha, we’ll see about that this week when I return! Bless his little cotton socks. I love my job.

My body is weak. I had two operations in three days, spent a week in hospital, and then three weeks basically lying on the couch being very immobile. I am usually an active person so it has been killing me that I’m not able to ride my beloved bicycle; although I’m pleased I can now do some walking. When I looked at my daily steps for those 3 weeks, some days I wasn’t getting past 100….not ideal! I’m not completely healed and I have another surgery booked in at the end of my first week back at work. Hopefully in a few weeks I’ll be back to normal, and regained some strength, as teaching certainly isn’t a job you can do well when you feel weak or unwell.

It hasn’t all been miserable. I managed to time my medical issues well, and was still able to fly to Cairns for 5 days to have a mini-holiday with my Dad. Although I couldn’t do anything overly active like I usually would, we found some great things to see and do and I enjoyed a break from reality, as it has been 4 years since my last actual holiday. Too long if you ask me! Something about the teaching profession was reinforced during my time in Cairns. I don’t think teachers ever stop thinking about the students they have for the year. While I was away there were so many moments where I thought to myself “My Year 7 Geography class will love to hear about this”, or “Johnny will love to hear that I saw a wild cassowary. I remember him saying he loves cassowaries!”. I guess things like this reinforce my career choice.

A few photos from my much needed break. Nature really is the best medicine!

I think the main messages of my disjointed post (Sorry about that. I had so much to say and catch up on, and I didn't want to write a novel) are:

1. If you are not sure whether to be offended or flattered when you are likened to a carnivorous plant, be flattered.

2. Never underestimate how much you mean to your students. Some of them just ask for love in unusual ways.

3. Never underestimate how much your students mean to you. You know you love your job and your students when you think about them while you’re away sick, or on a relaxing holiday.

If you’re still reading, thanks for sticking around! Sorry it’s been so long and random. I will be sure to continue my notes on my phone, and hopefully turn them into a post a little more often this term and share some teaching shenanigans with you all. I did spend the best part of half an hour before, laughing at my own notes. So if anything, at least I know I'll enjoy them in the coming months! It was fascinating as I got so busy that I forgot they even happened, let alone writing them in my phone, until I read them for some blog inspiration/inspiration in general tonight. There certainly is never a dull moment when you teach middle school. I could write a book. Maybe one day I will.

Happy Term 3, fellow teachers! Let’s hope it’s a happy and healthy one for all.